I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
