I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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