I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
sex in a hospital.. check
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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