i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
