I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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