I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
