felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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