I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
