you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
