Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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