My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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