I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
