So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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