There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
