My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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