Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
