I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
