just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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