Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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