Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
