why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
