i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
