what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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