She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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