I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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