I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
