So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
