bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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