I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
