Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
