I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
