He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
