Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
