I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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