Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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