ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
