dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
