dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it's like iHOP with fire
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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