You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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