She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
