Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
