covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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