I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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