guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
