I just cut my nipple shaving
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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