well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
