so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Randomize
