apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
