She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
