He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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